The Net May Not Appear

Self-Doubt

Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.

Dale Carnegie

Doubt is that voice in the back of your head that tells you cannot do something. No one is immune to this voice; some just hear it louder than others.

 Doubting is a natural human response to any unfamiliar situation. But self-doubt is about us.

Sometimes self-doubt sounds like a former teacher or lover. Sometime it sounds like a sibling or a parent. Sometime it sounds like our boss or a colleague.

Most time self-doubt actually sounds like our own voice.  Doubt sounds like our past failures and our fears. It feels like self-criticism and self-judgment and it’s an old coat that we get incredibly comfortable wearing.

Doubt hurts our life. Because at the bottom of doubt sits one agonizing nugget—the fear of making a mistake. Or should I say the fear of making another mistake.  Somewhere along the way we made a mistake and society told us to never, ever do that gain.

Self-doubt has its roots in the past… past learning and past experiences.   I don’t know about y’all but I find it easy to live in my past and stay  the confused, scared family screw up.

None of us are born thinking- I can’t do this or I am not good enough. Neither are we born thinking I can do this or I am more than enough. Our past experience and environment helps mold those thoughts and create the triggers. 

So self-doubt is actually not based on your current skills and abilities, but mainly based on how others perceived decisions we have made- Our self-doubt is really about our past with others- their expectations, their feedback and many times their fears and their failures.

Somewhere along  the way you  stop listening to your instincts, you doubt that you have the knowledge required to get something done and  one day you look up and you feel  stuck, unable to move forward because there is one thing  we can never, ever be in this society —and that’s wrong.

How do you stay determined and focused despite doubt – whether it’s your own or others?

Doubt your doubt. You heard me right. Examine past mistakes and failures and look at the mistakes with new eyes.  Did you do your best? Did you have the resources you needed? Did you learn some great lessons? Did it lead to a new opportunity?

Acknowledge doubt but don’t invest in doubt. I am not a teenage screw up. I am a 48 year old woman. Even when I was a teenager I was not a screw up… No matter what I thought or what anyone else may have said.

It’s OK to be wrong. To be fully human and fully alive it means you will make mistakes. You will trust the wrong person, chose the wrong path and take the wrong advice. You are not the first person to be wrong at work, in your family or among your friends.

I am not promising that if you jump the net will appear. I am not saying that you won’t ever be afraid or hurt  again.  I am saying that your fall won’t break you. They rarely ever do.

 

We Are More Than Our Time, Productivity & Output

Time is a construct. 9-5 workday is a construct. Having to “earn” sick days is a construct. That meetings should last 30 minutes or 60 minutes is a construct. Only 48 hours for a weekend is a construct. 15 minute breaks 2x a day is a construct. 2 weeks PTO is a...

My Summer Reading List! – Time to turn the pages…

It’s August and it's time for my summer break. I take off every August to reset and renew prior to the Fall overwhelm, which always hits my firm as we wrap up client work for the year. I savor this time – I stare at the ocean, I eat ALL the seafood in sight, I nap,...

There’s no equity without reproductive justice: We will continue fighting for each other

Many of y'all know that every day I get up and say aloud my grounding vision for equity work. It is the famous quote from Assata Shakur: “It is our duty to fight for our freedom. It is our duty to win. We must love each other and support each other. We have nothing to...